Today was a very long and emotional day for me. Today, I took a trip with my mom, my aunt and my uncle to the Rocky Mountain National Park to say good bye to my grandma Caw. I knew that this was coming, when my grandma passed away, her wishes were to be spread in the mountains in Colorado. With the family reunion that I am hosting being in Colorado my aunt, uncle and mom decided that it would be a great time to take care of my grandma’s last wish. Today marked that day. I was feeling very apprehensive about being a part of the trip. I had actually told my mom that I did not think I would go last night because I was already feeling drained, after not having my boys with me for two weeks and just laying on eyes on them last night for the first time, I wanted to spend the day with them. There were a few other reasons I was feeling apprehensive, so saying no to a day trip seemed easy. Well, my during my night’s sleep I was haunted by my words of declination and I knew what I needed to do. I woke early this morning showered, dressed and told hubby that I needed to be a part of the trip to the Rocky Mountains Park. He bid me well and I was off.
During the almost two and a half hours ride there was talk about memories of grandma to which I found myself getting choked up each time. I thought to myself that I was over the loss and that I had moved on. I guess in that car ride the realization that the loss of my grandma was still too fresh was not only frustrating to me but also surprising. We met up with one of my grandma’s dear friends and her husband who were in town from South Dakota and we headed to the park entrance. No one really had a plan or an idea of where we were going but I guess that is the beauty of what the next two hours became. With grandma’s ashes in my aunt’s knapsack we headed down a trail. The walk down the trail was one of a somber mood for me. I felt almost like I was in a precession of a funeral even though grandma’s ashes have been resting in a box for well over a year. The freshness of the news of her passing reappeared during that walk and felt like a heavy cloud over head.
As we came upon a clearing we looked around and choose a path that lead us to the final resting place of my grandma. The location could not have been more perfect. The roar of the water fall was quieted by a natural rock amphitheater. Perched under a rock crevice a mother bird found it fitting to create a nest and lay her eggs, just below that little mountain flowers were in bloom and there grandma’s ashes were poured out by my mom, uncle and aunt. My uncle read a poem that he wrote for my grandma. There were tears and laughter in remembering the very colorful woman that was my grandma Caw. I think if grandma was there she would have been very pleased. So although we poured out her ashes in one spot I know that as the wind blows on that little rock so she will be blown, just like she would have liked it. Grandma was not known for ever staying in one spot to long, she kind of blew in and out of towns and was always chasing down greener grasses… so even in her last wishes I think we did her justice.
As we walked away from that spot in the Rocky National Park I felt slightly at peace. I had said my goodbye, I felt a little piece of my heart close with that chapter. Although I know there will always be times that the ache of missing her will over take me I am confidant that I did the right thing in the day excursion. I said my last goodbye for now!
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