Yesterday we celebrated the life of my great grandma. The service was held in the very same place that many years ago she and my great grandpa said “I do”. Services were held on December 16th, the birth date of her late husband, kind of a neat significance! I will admit that I am not one that likes or feels the need for funerals, the “stuffiness” of the ceremonies often make me feel uncomfortable. I was relieved to know that the casket that held the body of my grandma was closed but still knowing that her body was in that box made me uneasy. I stood at a distance knowing that my great grandma was not present but she knew my love for her. After the services and then the graveside we headed to Oceanside harbor for dinner. As we drove there the sun began setting and I felt a lump in my throat that began to make breathing difficult. I felt a sense of goodbye as the sun set… let me say that the sunset was unreal! With each passing minute the colors became more and more brilliant.
Knowing that saying goodbye in a catholic service was not enough for my heart and mind my dad had a great idea to launch his boat and release some roses in memory of my great grandma. The idea gave me a sense of relieve. I would not be in a stuffy dress, would be in nature and we would be in a smaller group – all giving me great comfort. This morning we bought a dozen roses, shame they couldn’t have been purple but roses none the less and headed for the open sea. The spot we chose to release the roses was where is grandma was standing in the street of her home in Carlsbad where she could have viewed us.
As we came up to the spot chosen my heart started to sink I knew I was going to have to say goodbye for the time until we meet in heaven. As the roses were placed in the very calm ocean my mom, grandpa and dad all said a few words and my heart contemplated. As we watched the roses float in the calm waters there was a part of me that was grateful, the waters could not have been more serine. As the roses became nothing more than a ripple of water in the horizon I knew that this side of heaven I will know what she said often to me… “I love you more!”
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