The last two weeks my heart has been pondering a lot of thoughts. I have been spending a lot of my time thinking through some big ideas.
One thing that has occupied some time in my heart and mind has been the lies that we as woman believe. Last week I went to a friend’s house and she and I got to talking about how we as woman have these ideas, hang-ups and thoughts about what others think or how they go about life. I loved our open conversation as we chatted. She had asked how I do life… a loaded question I know. She was wanting to know how I manage our family’s day to day and still manage to keep the house homey. I simply told her that I have learned to let things go. I also was honest and said that I have my little breakdowns as a wife, mom and woman where I feel like I am not keeping up, like a dog chasing his tail and never quite getting it. About every three or four months I feel like I want to curl up in a ball in fetal position and cry until there are no more tears to cry and then sleep until there are no more chores to be done. We laughed and each agreed why as woman do we feel like we can’t be honest and say the above to each other more often. We seem to live in a world where that kind honesty is not accepted and we all walk around with a fake plastered smile, our kids are all dressed well, hair in it’s perfect spot, yet we are all struggling. Ugh! The honesty of our conversation has laid heavy on my heart. Why must we live lives that look good on the outside when we are crumbling on the inside? Why must we walk around pretending to have it together when all we really want to do is sit down in the corner and cry? Why do we struggle to ask for help when help is what we really need? Why do we read blogs or Facebook statuses and assume that everyone else has a perfect life and we are just failures?
Another thought that has been heavy on my heart is marriage! Let me first state this… I know that marriages are not always sunshine, rainbows and smiles; I know first hand that it is rough and that there are times I want to throw in the towel and walk away; I also know it is not going to happen here! Hubby and I have often said if we had known that marriage and parenting were so hard we would have just chosen one over the other. Hubby and I have been married for seven years and have been together only five months longer than that… needless to say we have been learning on the “job” as it were. Marriage is hard, marriage has it’s seasons; there are times of plenty and there are times of nothing, there are times where you and your spouse are seeing eye to eye and then others when you might as well be living on two separate planets. During a very rough patch over a year ago in our marriage I had to really spend some time on my knees, I spent many nights praying that God would reveal to me why I was married and why He chose my husband for me. In the midst of this time I began praying that God would give me a heart to love my husband. I was feeling that on my own power love was not there. I can honestly say that it took me a while to pray those words and for a while I was simply praying that God would give me a heart to want to even pray those words. Once I was able to get my heart in a place of praying for a love for my husband that I knew only God could give me I was amazed that He did it. God’s heart is that I love my husband and that I submit to him as the head of our house, and only when my relationship was right with God was I able to pray and receive those things that I was praying for. So my give away on the thought of marriage is, make sure your relationship with Christ is right before you even begin to think about giving to your husband!
Lots on my heart and I hope that at least one thing made sense, but if not at least you know what is on my heart and mind.
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