Ever have those days where you just cannot turn your mind off? That is me today! Last night I fell asleep at my normal time and then this morning I woke up at a quarter to five. I laid in bed for about a half an hour hoping and praying that sleep would capture me for another hour or two and it was not happening. So rather then lay in bed and toss and turn and be frustrated that hubby was sleeping so well I got up and went for a walk. Mind you it is a wonderful nineteen degrees out at that ungodly time of the morning but maybe the cold would help numb my mind.
There are days that my mind gets the best of me. I am one that thinks about things before the get here and then I fret and worry about them and once they are here I just sit back and am almost paralyzed in their reality. This morning my thoughts and worries were over my boys.
What good does worrying do? Absolutely nothing! I know that mentally but I almost feel like if I am not doing something, even worrying then I am lazing on my job as a mother. I know that must sound ridiculous, but in my little mind it makes perfect sense.
My worries this morning were so momentous that I could not shut them out. Are hubby and I doing the best that we can for our boys? Are we raising them so that they know what it means to love? Have we been good examples to them of what it means to be a Christian? Do they fully know what it means to be respectful of each other? Will our boys be able to cope in everyday life? The list could go on and on but I am sure it is a dark rabbit hole that no one is eager to run down with me!
This parenting gig is hard! There are so many components that go into raising Godly children and in my case Godly men. As a mom I feel so inadequate for the job and yet, God gave me three sons! There are times that I want to shake my fist at God and tell him he must have messed up, Hubby and I are not cut out for this job and then there are times that I want to relish in the gift. Is it just me?
I have had a verse hanging in my laundry room for years and with all the work that we are doing in that room I have taken it down, let me not become ignorant of the verse since it is not staring me down every day as I wash and fold the piles of laundry. “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in the truth.” – 3 John 4
As a mother that is my hearts cry! I know I am going to mess up and I jokingly say that Hubby and I are not saving for their college fund rather their counseling fund… let me rest my weary mind in knowing that God does not make mistakes, that I have three sons because He knew that Hubby and I were up to the task of raising them.
Although I cannot put an nice little bow on this post I know that my heart and mind still wage war at the task at hand. As my three sons are snug in bed, dreaming of their adventures, my knees will grow weary as I kneel beside them and pray that I am doing this job of mother well!
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